8 months...

This past month has proven that time is definitely moving at light speed and that if I blink just once I may miss one of the most amazing moments of my life.  I keep looking at these three beautiful children and wondering how they got so big so fast and where all of the time has gone.  I swear I just brought Charlie home from the hospital a few months ago, curled up in a bundle on my shoulder, nuzzling under my chin.  When I took another look today that is not at all what I saw.  This little baby is not little at all.  He is rolling all over the place, prefers finger foods over baby food, is a babbling jibber jabber and is mimicking everything I do.  He is beginning to clap his hands and growl and laugh back at me.  He watches me everywhere I go and if I am out of sight for the slightest second he lets the whole house know it.  In general he is a very happy baby.  He loves to be rocked to sleep (when not nursing), Ritz crackers and when a car ride is rough you can turn on "Toes" by the Zac Brown Band and he will usually fall asleep with gentle growls.


While Charlie has given us so much to love and be happy about this past month we have been faced with a few challenges as well.  Overall he is a very healthy little boy, accomplishing all of the typical milestones of an 8 months old baby but at his 6 month check up we discovered that he needed to be seen by doctors at Children's Hospital for two different and unrelated things.  We have already begun the process for the undescended testes and after seeing two different specialist we are as comfortable as a parent can be when facing surgery.  We have faith in the doctor and that all will go well with the procedure but I am sick to my stomach nonetheless.  Charlie will also be going down to see an ENT specialist at Children's regarding his raspy voice.  While I LOVE his growly bear voice our pediatrician just wanted to rule out a few causes.  The ENT will be administering a special camera down his throat to check for nodules on his vocal chords.  If there are any present the next procedure will be to take samples to make sure the nodules are benign.  While I am confident that all will go well I am once sickened at the thought of Charlie experiencing anything uncomfortable. 

One of the hardest things I have faced as a parent is overcoming the feeling of helplessness when one of my children is sick or hurt in any kind of way.  My first reaction is always guilt.  What could I have done to prevent this?  I literally spend hours contemplating every decision made until it consumes every thing about me.  Whether it be a simple cold or something as serious as Charlie's surgery I am left wondering what could I have done differently so that my child will not suffer.  After the guilt I begin wishing.  Wishing that I could trade places with my child so that they will not have to feel an ounce of pain or discomfort.  While I am completely aware that this is not a healthy scenario for any child and that it is inevitable that they will all get sick or hurt during their lifetime, it does not deter me from wishing.

Right now we are preparing ourselves for a busy month of traveling to and from Seattle and Bellvue and for a very emotional month.  Our faith is strong and we are confident that the staff at Children's will take care of our little Charlie Bear.